ryhei hardison
Posts : 8
Join date : 2009-05-28
Location : killing a target
ID
Name: Ryhei Hardison
Faction: Chronos
Rank: VI
 | Subject: ryhei hardison  Thu May 28, 2009 7:26 pm | |
| Name: Ryhei Hardison Age: 18 Birthplace: New York city Gender: Male Appearance:  ryhei usually has a cold look on his face and doesnt usually talk much. There are three scars on his face from a fight a long time ago and usually has a sweatshirt on. Special Characteristics: ryhei has a keen eye for detail. Personality: Ryhei is usually pretty quiet and might open up to people he gets accumstomed to. He is ruthless to his targets and wont show any mercy to targets in any way. In a fight he tries not to talk to much because he thinks that it is only a distraction. Number: VI Tattoo: The tattoo is place on the left side of his chest. Expertise: Ryhei's expertise is naginata Weapon: Naginata Weapon name: Amaterasu Attachments: n/a Style: cyclone shield: He spins the naginata so fast it creates a shield from projectiles but something moving fast enough and heavy enough can break through. Class: due to the facts that its just for defense 20 Style: shadow: He swings the naginata wildly causing dust and many other debris to go up into the air and cause distractions while he comes at you from as many diferent sides as he possibly can. Class: 90 Description: he puts his own spin on the style often breaking away to what he was taught. He usually holds the naginata behind his back and tries to attack first. Also he tries to use the range of the weapon to his advantage. History: Ryhei was an orphan he never knew his parents and according to records he has read they were both teenagers. Also he was given away at birth. He grew up in the system and he hated it. Over time he grew to hate his parents for reasons unknown he was never adopted. Until one day somebody came. He was drafted into chronos and hapiply accepted it. Eventually he was trained to use the naginata and became a member of chronos. At one point when a spot opened up he was added as a number. RP: He looked ahead everyone knew the reason he had been called here including him. already two new members had been added and he was sure he was going to be next. It was like they had chosen the perfect day is was bright outside and there was an ocean view. The room was lit perfectly and the 1 number had taken their time announcing each number as if to create suspense. As his name was called he stepped foward the 1st number gave their speech and how proud to announce him as a number. " hear by announce you as number VI of the chronos numbers and present you with your weapon a finely crafted naginata, amaterasu" Ryhei accepted the postion with great pride. He knew it would be a while before the other numbers would accept him but at least he had the position
Last edited by ryhei hardison on Sat May 30, 2009 8:28 pm; edited 4 times in total | |
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Validus Visage
Posts : 148
Join date : 2009-05-26
Age : 31
Location : Around the world, proceeding as issued.
ID
Name: Validus Visage
Faction: Chronos
Rank: I
| | Subject: Re: ryhei hardison Thu May 28, 2009 7:40 pm | |
| Ryhei, i'm already the Expertise for the Sword.
So, you'll have to change your expertise altogether in order for this to gain approval.
So, edit everything which involves the sword, if you are to be a Chronos. | |
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Validus Visage
Posts : 148
Join date : 2009-05-26
Age : 31
Location : Around the world, proceeding as issued.
ID
Name: Validus Visage
Faction: Chronos
Rank: I
| | Subject: Re: ryhei hardison Fri May 29, 2009 6:17 am | |
| I found a few problems with this application, or perhaps flaws in your knowledge of a certain attirbute:
1) For your special characteristics, i'd probably take out speed and stamina, for due to Chronos Training all Chronos members have at least above average speed and stamina.
2) Your personality traits need to be longer, at least 3 sentences. I see 1 full sentence, and another incomplete one.
3.) About your Kusari-Gama having another Scythe-edge to it at the butt of the hilt, then simply having an average blunt Kusari-Gama hilt, that is an attachment, since it is not like normal Kusari-Gama. Being an attachment, you may not start with this, nor start with an attachment... So, simply remove the whole 'sharp end' instead of 'blunt end' sentence, in parentheses, for you will start with a normal Oligarchum Kusari-Gama, remember, you can always get attachments later, if you have been given permission by one of the admins.
4.) Since your expertise is the Kusari-Gama, you are expected to already know Kusarigamajutsu... By styles, we mean different techniques used in combat. I'd look at other Chronos applications for example. (Like mine.) So you get a better idea. So, backspace Kusarigama Jutsu, and you may start with 1-3 Styles, once you understand what a Style is more of actually. | |
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Validus Visage
Posts : 148
Join date : 2009-05-26
Age : 31
Location : Around the world, proceeding as issued.
ID
Name: Validus Visage
Faction: Chronos
Rank: I
| | Subject: Re: ryhei hardison Sat May 30, 2009 8:20 pm | |
| 1.) You said something about chains on Naginatajutsu within your description? There are no chains on the Naginata.
2.) On your bio, you mention a Scythe, i'm quite sure that a Naginata is moreso like a spear.
3.) Your RP-Sample is about you wielding a Kusari-Gama, so you need to edit your RP-Sample.
Once that is complete, or explained, I can then approve of this application. | |
|
Validus Visage
Posts : 148
Join date : 2009-05-26
Age : 31
Location : Around the world, proceeding as issued.
ID
Name: Validus Visage
Faction: Chronos
Rank: I
| | Subject: Re: ryhei hardison Sat May 30, 2009 8:38 pm | |
| Alright, thank you for correcting everything.
This application has officially been...
[APPROVED] | |
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